It’s been a rather trying past few weeks. I tend to be a person that takes things personally. It’s hard at times feel comfortable declaring Adonai’s (The Lord) Truth knowing it will hurt someone’s feelings. A common theme by many I encounter has been to “circle the wagon’s” against the attack. With two prevailing ideologies I readily encounter; (1. I will defend my church doctrine at all cost even if I cannot support it through scripture. 2. If I believe Jesus is my salvation, the rest is just “labels” or “semantics”) I quickly become the person that is perceived as “on the attack”.

Trying to balance boldness and truth with sensitivity and compassion can take a toll on a person with my self-chastising personality. I battle myself with do I “shake the dust from my sandals” or do I try again in an even gentler and more humble way?

I started to feel the cumulative effects of being:
- Burned out from late and long research nights. Guilt-laden from preaching the truth (I know how horrible that sounds) and identifying with Stephen before those that “ground their teeth at them”.
- Worn out from web-developing during the day at work to then do more in the evening.
- Worn out from a self-imposed heavy reading list.
- Disappointed in the level of participation in an “earn-away” versus a giveaway contest. (Even though I was warned ahead of time.)
- Estranged from friends, family and society for our (my household) desire to put Adonai at the head of our family.
- Disturbed at behavior on “Christian blogs” (NOT present on the blogs I link to) that simply resemble the competitive race for traffic and awards that resemble secular blogs. I’m not exactly sure how you put an “award” on evangelism. Is that like attending a four star church versus three and a half? A “best designed chruch”? A “best new church”? Maybe a personal award for “best Christian”? I believe there is a difference between traffic for truth and traffic for traffic. Grammy-like awards in the body of Messiah seem a bit contradictory.

Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him.
“What is it you want?” he asked.
She said, “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.”

“You don’t know what you are asking,” Jesus said to them. “Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?”
“We can,” they answered.

Jesus said to them, “You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father.”

When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:20-28, NIV

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And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.

Luke 16:15,KJV

I had fallen into a “funk” just after Pesach (Passover) that has lasted about 4-5 weeks. In the middle of this funk the church I still attend as a means to teach, decided to elect a woman as head elder. I voted “no”, though my vote was apparently missed and the vote carried unanimously. I fear some all too easily assume that a vote against women in authority over men (supported in Scripture) is a view of women as inferior to men. It is the same Scripture that places an order since Genesis, which also tells us the seed of a woman will bring salvation to the world. It should not be assumed that I am being partial with Scripture.

Since I had previously decided to leave this church and was only staying as an attempt to reach those with teachable spirits, this very nearly made my exit instantaneous. Instead it is as if Adonai is saying, “You’re not done there yet”! So now I am in the midst of debate over dogmatic error. I find myself praying that I am not the “divisive man”, while holding those with authority accountable for correction of apostasy. Adonai’s Sabbath’s have not been as restful for me as I would like.

I share this with you simply as an explanation of my absence and request for prayers to fortify my resolve and grant wisdom in my actions/speech. The good news is (aside from the Good News of Messiah) I have been emerging from my slump and hopefully have learned to avoid taking things so personally. My plan is to get back into a balanced rhythm of posting and research. My wife is due any day now and we are eager to greet our little blessing, Analeah Alycia.